Queen Victoria

A few weeks ago, Danny the traveler and I were so lucky as to be able to step aboard a cruise ship worthy of her royal highness the queen. Oh yes, I know you are all very jealous now, because I have the secrets of the rich mans life and got to live it for a whole five hours!

Welcome aboard all ye who are wondering!

The ship first of all had to be at the very end of the pier because of its size, and we had to go through multiple security checks before being allowed to park our car. When we got to the entrance of the ship we had to show our ID’s, get our picture taken, wear a visitors pass and go through a metal detector. But we were finally inside and the first people we saw were exactly as I imagined. Old ladies wrapped in expensive jewelry and perfume with a face packed with make up and clothes from some high fashion place. Oh yes, I thought I was dressed quite nicely until I got on board and realized I looked like a hobo compared to everyone else.
When we got on board we were met by Danny’s family friend Jackie, who is the hotel manager on these ships and is the third most important person on the ship. She is the boss of 800-900 people!!
Over a cup of tea and a freshly baked muffin in the café, she told us that there’s a little bit less than 2000 passengers on the boat and around 1000 employees, so around 3000 people all together. The muffins were delicious by the way.
We had a quick tour around the boat, which included a casino, a pub, a shopping area built after one of the luxurious malls in London, a candy store with only home-made candy, an art exhibit, a library, a bank, a hospital, a travel agency, a spa and gym, 3 pools and one thermal pool, a hairdresser and a teeth bleacher, a computer café and a conference room and a book shop. We also went in to see the theatre where they had two shows every night, a dance and song crew and a band. The theatre is the only one of its kind in the world, as it is the only theatre in a boat that has boxed seats, 16 of them to be exact. For 20 $ extra you could buy a boxed seat for the night, in which you would get canopies before the show in a little lounge, then half a bottle of champagne and the finest chocolates and treats during the show, in which a bellhop would be standing outside your box incase you need anything else.
As you probably can guess my mouth was gaping so wide I was almost drooling. We went up to Jackie’s living space, which is nothing compared to what the guests have, but it was amazing! She had two TV’s, one which only played movies all day, 3 phones, a massive lounge and big bedroom, a balcony and a bathtub! We both used the bathtub and the froth towels, which were the softest towels I have ever felt in my life!

After our bath we went down to the main eating area, where there is served food 24 hours every single day. On board they have150 chefs!
We got to eat whatever we wanted, we could choose between two things, either a pizzeria where they made a pizza to your wish or the buffet. We went to the buffet. Here they had the most flash food I have seen, they had one counter with just salad stuff, one with just different types of cheese and crackers, a fruit bar, and a warm pastry bar with every type of roll you could possibly want. For hot food they had chicken wrapped in mozzarella, fresh fish, stake, lamb, different types of quiches, three different types of potato, rice and soup, just to mention a few. We ate like pigs to say the least, and that was before we saw the dessert counter! In that area they had ice cream, about 10 different types of cakes and muffins and a few cookies. Oh golly-gosh, we ate so incredibly much!
We had to walk the food off before our next meal, so we saw the rest of the ship. One of the rooms was the Britannia restaurant where there was dinner served every night. Underneath the rotating world globe, which was made by some famous artist, was the captain’s table where all the VIP’s sat every night eating their three-course meal. The restaurant (only) seated 800 people, so they have two dinners every night. OF COURSE you say! Oh, and the photographer on board takes pictures of the dining guests every other night, just like they do for proms and balls.

By this time we had walked away the hurtful full feeling just to realize it was yet again time to be fed. This time it was afternoon tea they were serving in the Queens room (I’m not kidding about the names of these rooms). The Queens room is lit with a massive chandelier and has a real ballroom dance floor that’s in use every night for those that have itchy dance feet. During our tea however there was only a woman on the dance floor with a massive golden harp playing music for all us “hungry” people who have the acquired taste and can appreciate such music. The host of course seated us as it was too difficult to use our eyes and find ourselves a table, and straight away we were bombarded with three waiters pouring tea in our cups, serving small sandwiches, freshly baked scones and little treats such as home made fudge. There was absolutely no time to call a waiter over, or to even empty your plate before it was refilled; a waiter was already waiting for your next command. I thought it was a bit stressful.
After our tea it was time to go, and so we had to say goodbye to the rich life and Jackie, get our pictures taken again to prove we left the ship and go through the metal detector to make sure we didn’t steal anything. Strangely enough we didn’t have to show any ID or go through any security checks on our way back to the real world. I guess we weren’t very important people any more.

I must say, even though it was a jolly good time for 5 hours, I couldn’t last even a week on the cruise without going mad. This might very well be the reason so many rich people are out of their minds; maybe they all went mad in pure boredom! To be honest I was quite happy getting off the ship, and feeling like a beached whale, I was very ready to get back to my job of clearing tables, getting paid minimum wage and not having to call my boss ma’am after every sentence. Oh’ the life of the rich and famous!

If Queen Victoria is your dream, it can come true for the minimum price of 15 000 NZ $, which is only 36 000 NOK. Cheap ey?